A Blue Rose

i make to claim to ownership of this, i first found it on a Facebook group, and thought it worth sharing. 

Having four visiting family members, my wife was very busy, so I offered to go to the store for her to get some needed items, which included light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags, detergent and Clorox. So off I went.

I scurried around the store, gathered up my goodies and headed for the checkout counter, only to be blocked in the narrow aisle by a young man who appeared to be about sixteen-years-old. I wasn’t in a hurry, so I patiently waited for the boy to realize that I was there. This was when he waved his hands excitedly in the air and declared in a loud voice, “Mommy, I’m over here.”

It was obvious now, he was mentally challenged and also startled as he turned and saw me standing so close to him, waiting to squeeze by. His eyes widened and surprise exploded on his face as I said, “Hey Buddy, what’s your name?”

“My name is Denny and I’m shopping with my mother,” he responded proudly.

“Wow,” I said, “that’s a cool name; I wish my name was Denny, but my name is Steve.”

“Steve, like Stevarino?” he asked.

“Yes,” I answered. “How old are you Denny?”

“How old am I now, Mommy?” he asked his mother as she slowly came over from the next aisle.

“You’re fifteen-years-old Denny; now be a good boy and let the man pass by.”

I acknowledged her and continued to talk to Denny for several more minutes about summer, bicycles and school. I watched his brown eyes dance with excitement, because he was the center of someone’s attention. He then abruptly turned and headed toward the toy section.

Denny’s mom had a puzzled look on her face and thanked me for taking the time to talk with her son. She told me that most people wouldn’t even look at him, much less talk to him.

I told her that it was my pleasure and then I said something I have no idea where it came from, other than by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I told her that there are plenty of red, yellow, and pink roses in God’s Garden; however, “Blue Roses” are very rare and should be appreciated for their beauty and distinctiveness. You see, Denny is a Blue Rose and if someone doesn’t stop and smell that rose with their heart and touch that rose with their kindness, then they’ve missed a blessing from God.

She was silent for a second, then with a tear in her eye she asked, “Who are you?”

Without thinking I said, “Oh, I’m probably just a dandelion, but I sure love living in God’s garden.”

She reached out, squeezed my hand and said, “God bless you!” and then I had tears in my eyes.

May I suggest, the next time you see a BLUE ROSE, don’t turn your head and walk off. Take the time to smile and say Hello. Why? Because, by the grace of GOD, this mother or father could be you. This could be your child, grandchild, niece or nephew. What a difference a moment can mean to that person or their family.

From an old dandelion xx

Alien alert

I feel like an alien, abandoned on this planet, alone, with no contact with the mother-ship.  I know the words of the language, at least, what those words mean in the textbook, but I don’t understand the meaning when I try to use those words with humans.  The slightest noise, light, smell or touch seems overpowering, while most humans can’t even detect it.  I bend further and move differently to most humans.   I don’t recognize humans by face; I struggle to even look at the face of most people.  I don’t remember instructions for everyday tasks, like cooking.  I can’t find my way around my own home, let alone outside.  I can’t remember how to spell even the simplest words; I struggle to read most writing, especially on some colors.  Wearing clothing hurts, yet most people seem to barely notice them.

I often find myself wondering, do I belong here? Was I really born here, to human parents? Am I alone in feeling this?

The problems of life as an alien have positives attached. 

On a survival exercise with a group of young humans, I was able to direct the group to a clean stream, about 100 yards from a camp, based only on the smell and sound of water, wild garlic, and a variety of edible plants varying in distance, but all over 500 yards from our location from smell alone, and see ideal locations for traps that ended up providing meat 4 times in the week. My alien interest in emergency medicine was needed at least once by each person in the team, and saved one of the humans in the group.  My alien way of thinking saved hours of time by seeing different methods of doing the same thing.    

Yet was I thanked by even one of the humans when we got home?

No. 

I was teased, excluded, and made to feel so unwelcome that I stopped going to the group. 

I may not be able to remember to feed myself, but I can remember thousands of number plates, and entire songs after hearing them once, or occasionally twice.  My over-flexibility makes me an excellent swimmer, especially in the ‘more difficult’ strokes.  Not looking at peoples face allows me to notice other things about them more, by remembering people by voice and gait, I can know as much about a person as seeing a face, and often more.  My difficulties in understanding meaning when people talk has led me to have a great interest in written articles (at least in a few areas), despite extreme difficulty reading.  Not reading the written signs allowed me to observe the world around me in great detail, and to notice slight discrepancies. 

               I have learned to adapt, so I can survive, if not live as a human.  Sometimes, I still feel that there is nowhere that will accept me for the alien that I am, and not be offended by my differences.  Sometimes I am so ostracized by those who are meant to be my peers that I cannot sleep at night, or if I do, I lay in bed and cry until the moment that the exhaustion overcomes the torturous memories, and sometimes physical injuries caused by the people who I am meant to be equal to. 

I wonder how many other aliens there are out there, thinking they are alone. 

I wonder what the human world is missing out on by not taking advantage of the talents of aliens. 

I wonder if I can help any other young aliens.  I have a wonderful father, human, but not normal, he sees me as different, and accepts me anyway.  Every young, and not so young, alien should have someone like that, but I know it isn’t so, I now know other young aliens, aliens who haven’t had a human accept them, who have been abused by those humans meant to be responsible for them.  If I can be that figure to even a single other alien, help them not be beaten, help them learn to be quiet when needed, and encourage them to develop their talents, instead of criticizing the narrow focus, to pass on coping techniques, and to recognize the true beauty of abnormality, my entire life will be worth it. 

               Sometimes I question if I really am an alien, born on another planet, and abandoned here soon after.  Now, thanks to the miracle of internet, I am finding others, other people who are like me.   Most importantly, knowing that I am not alone, and neither are the other aliens.  But we are not aliens, we are just different, and our differences have a name.  Asperger’s syndrome.

I am still in the process of getting a diagnosis on paper, but I know inside myself why I am me, why I feel non-human.  It won’t change the years of stress in school, and in wider society, but it gives me, and others, hope for a future understanding ourselves. 

Now all we need is for the ‘humans’ to see us as what we are, simply different.

Driving dyspraxic -old blog

This will be the first post on this blog focusing on dyspraxia, so I guess I had better start with what dyspraxia is. 

Dyspraxia or developmental co-ordination disorder (sometimes known by other names like clumsy child syndrome) has the central feature of making motor planning and co-ordination difficult, causing clumsiness.  People with dyspraxia often have other difficulties such as sensory processing problems, social difficulties which can be similar to the autism spectrum, dyslexia like difficulties with reading, difficulties with concentration, and memory difficulties that can make organisation difficult.  Dyspraxia overlaps with many other SPLD and conditions, and often co-exists with them.  Dyspraxia does not in any way make a person stupid, dyspraxic people have average or above intelligence.    This is only my attempt at getting information across in a single paragraph, and is by no means extensive.  If you want further information, the dyspraxia foundation has good information online, even if it has annoyed many adult members by severely cutting adult support.

An area which often poses a lot of difficulties for dyspraxic is driving.  I managed to pass my driving test, both theory and practical before my 18^th birthday.  I am not trying to be pretentious, or ‘know it all’ I am just hoping to help others in a similar situation that I was in, and am still in, as a dyspraxic learner driver or newly qualified driver. 

First of all, you can do it

Being dyspraxic adds another challenge to learning to drive, but it can be done.  I had to learn to drive, as when living with my parents, I lived on the very edge of a small village, with very few facilities in walking distance for a normal person (neuro-typical, or NT), let alone someone who finds walking difficult.  If you do not have to learn to drive now, it may be worth taking a lot more time over it, but many jobs require a drivers licence, so if you can get one, it is generally worth it. 

Start early

Start learning the physical skills of driving as early as possible.  I started driving off road and ‘banger’ racing at about 13 or 14 years old, so I could start learning the physical skills of moving a car from A to B a long time before I would have to think about driving on the road. 

If you do not have somewhere off road you can start to learn, sit in a car on a driveway, with an experienced driver next to you, and with the engine off, repeatedly go through the physical actions needed for driving.  If these skills are in your muscle memory before you hit the road, it is one less thing to think about. 

Choose your driving instructor carefully

When choosing you driving instructor, look for those which state they are experienced in teaching people with dyslexia and/or dyspraxia, but these are not always easy to find.  If you cannot find one who states they are experienced with dyslexia/dyspraxia, there are some out there who specialise in teaching those with hearing difficulties, or other physical difficulties, these are often good as well as even if an instructor does not understand your specific difference, those who already work with people who are different are more likely to be willing and able to listen and take your difference into account. 

Always book a single lesson with an instructor, try them for 1 or 2 lessons, and if you like them, then block book so you can get any discounts.  If you don’t get on with your first instructor, don’t be afraid to change. 

Know yourself

Know how you adapt to being different to NTs and don’t be afraid to let your instructor know.  Personally, I liked chewing gum while driving and listening to music, as they both reduce stress but provide little distraction for me.  My instructor kept telling me to make eye contact with other drivers, which I can do, but found took too much concentration away from the road, I asked him to stop telling me to do this, and found it a lot easier.  I know a lot of people (including myself) find it hard to maintain the 10 and 2 positions on the wheel, and sometimes a handlebar grip is easier. 

Left and right

Don’t be afraid to write left and right in your hands, or ask for instructions to be given driver’s side and passenger side instead.  You will not look an idiot; it’s a lot more common than you think, even with NTs.  If you do get it wrong, do not panic, you will not fail for getting directions wrong.  Get yourself used to the new ‘independent driving’ section of the test.  Once you are used to the skills involved, it can be easier than following directions for some. 

Length of time

Ask for short lessons, more often.  Sometimes it is difficult to keep concentration for long, and a 2 hour lesson may be too much.  It can also be difficult to sit upright for 2 hours as well.  There are a few instructors that will allow you to do half hour lessons to start with, but you will have to build up to longer lessons soon.   Ask.

Theory test

The theory test can be a challenge, mainly the hazard perception.  The only way to overcome this is practice, practice, practice.  Get as many different practice video clips as you can, and go over them again and again.  With practice the theory test should not present too many problems. 

If you are use to a mouse pad or trackball, get used to a traditional mouse before your test, it is not helpful to change the type of mouse for the first time during your test. 

Clothing and footwear

Wear clothes that are comfy, and not distracting.  It does not matter what they look like.  As for footwear, wear closed shoes or boots, and if you wear wide boots, remember that you might accidentally hit more than 1 pedal.  Try to use footwear with little to no heel, and defiantly not stilettos. 

Personally, I drive in combat boots, as I like the ankle support, and I wear the boots most of the time so I am used to them. 

Once you have passed the test

Choosing a car

Choose your car carefully.  Sit in it, test drive it.  Look for a car with armrests if they help, get a car with good lumbar support, a light clutch, and if you find it easier, power steering.  It may cost more, but if you can afford it, it is worth it.  More than worth it. 

It’s also worth getting a back support, mine is a cheaper version of this (Vhttp://www.robertdyas.co.uk/P~151102~JML+Sit+Right) and a small pillow like this (http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Neck-pillow-car-lorry-drivers-seat-head-back-support_W0QQitemZ280636251721QQcmdZViewItem?rvr_id=215604988432&rvr_id=215604988432&cguid=8afcb9ca12e0a0aa17418441ffd81ca3)  I picked one of these up in a motorway service station as I stupidly decided I would drive from Somerset to Norfolk 6 times in 3 weeks and on the first journey, I was struggling to stay upright.  It helps more than people might think. 

Choose a car with a bonnet/hood that is long enough to see.  I prefer hatchback style cars so I can get a good idea of where the boot/trunk ends too. 

Do not be afraid of P plates

This is a mistake I made, when I made a small mistake, I felt like I was being criticised really harshly, and people would think I was just a $h1t driver instead of a new driver. 

Get a sat nav

I sat nav saves so much stress, of getting lost, and allows you to focus on driving instead of where you are going. 

People are not thinking what you think they are thinking

People do not think as badly of you as a driver as most young drivers think.  Everybody makes mistakes, and most people recognise this.  Even if you make a few more mistakes than average the driver behind you has only seen one, and will assume you are no different to most other people. 

Ignore those few people who seem incapable of going below 90MPH on the motorway, they don’t love anybody except themselves, and a lot of them glare at everybody they overtake. 

Motorway

Do not be afraid of the motorway.  It is a lot easier than driving in a town or city, even if it is faster.

The first time you go on a motorway, try later in the evening, or earlier in the morning, when it is less busy, and do not be afraid to just sit behind the Lorries and do 60MPH letting everybody else overtake. 

If you like, the first time, take a friend or relative with you.  It can help to have an experienced driver in the car, but only do this the first time; do not come to rely on them. 

Pass plus

I haven’t done pass plus, so I can’t comment, but it does give motorway experience with an instructor in the car, and can help insurance costs. 

This information may be useful to learner drivers with other difficulties too, even NTs, even though I have written it for dyspraxics, and I hope I have given you something you can use. 

i will also inculde comments here, as there are some valid points in them

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Some really great tips there! I'm a dyspraxic driver too, and these are the things that helped me pass: I don't know if this would work for everyone (and it does involve saving up for ages) but I did a lot of lessons over about 6 weeks in the summer holidays...at times I was doing 4 hours a day (in 2 x 2hr sessions - I would definitely not advise a 4 hr lesson - tbh I often got tired/driving deteriorated after 90 mins) and then some practice with my mum. Doing it all close together really helped me to get stuff into my head. Directions: Also found it very important to get instructions early so I could plan my movements - really struggled with last minute instructions. Make sure you let your instructor know if this is the case for you. Sometimes forgot directions really soon BUT noone minds if you ask again. Especially in my test I asked the examiner to repeat directions a lot to compensate for my goldfish memory, but they can't mark you down for it so don't be scared to do it! Clutch control: I found/find clutch control difficult as I am not very good at making small movements so initially I kept stalling as I would lift my foot too much and then later I found moving in traffic jams just on clutch control really difficult but my instructor really helped me by spending about an hour getting me to hold the car and move it and hold it again on hills using just the clutch. Top tip: New shoes oddly enough also really helped me (found this out totally by accident). Trainers I had were quite soft behind my heel cos I always slipped them on and off to avoid retying shoelaces all the time. When I got new trainers gave my heels better support when driving and massively improved my clutch control. So definitely don't go for loose fitting shoes - it'll make it much harder. Instructor: I just used an instructor recommended by a friend and luckily she was really nice generally and didn't get annoyed at all when I was being useless. She had been an instructor for about 15 years so she'd seen it all before and made me really at ease, but I definitely echo the change your instructor if you don't feel comfortable advice. Radio: Personally, I couldn't have a radio on whilst driving until I'd been driving a few months because I'm really distracted by sounds so I guess just try it and see what works for you. There are loads of comments from other dyspaxics on the dyspraxic adults forum http://www.dyspraxicadults.org.uk/forums/index.php If you go to the travel section there is loads on learning to drive in there.

6 March 2011 13:07

JustSomeKid said...

thank you for commenting. its brilliant to have more popints of view. the intensive course is good for some, its one of those things that is either brilliant, or a massive waste of time and money. the directions on the test weren't too bad, but i did have to have them repeated too. i got an examiner called dawn, and she was so nice to me about it. i hate clucth control too, the new shoes idea is a really ggood one though. thanks sounds like you got a good instructor, well done. frendly recommendations are often a good way to choose. the dyspraxic adults forum, yh, i know, i do use it, and i absolutley love it, the people there are brilliant, the reason i wrote this post is so that i can link the informaion to quite a few different forums and facebook groups. thank you anonymous.

Neuro-diversity for neuro-typicals - from old blog

“Look at me!”

“Do you ever talk about anything else?”

“Stop daydreaming and get on with it!”

“You look normal, there’s nothing wrong with you.  The only reason you can’t read is ‘cos you’re stupid!”

“You’re lazy”

“You’re a retard”

These things were said to me on almost a daily basis in school, by students, support staff, and teachers.  Sometimes, even my own mother would say things like this, and after a while, you start to agree with the derogatory comments, you start to think you are stupid, and useless, and that you will never amount to anything.  Yet up to 10% of people are different, and can appear as I, and many other people do.  We are neuro-diverse. 

We are not stupid.  We are not lazy.  We are not intentionally being rude or annoying, we just don’t understand.

The best description of neuro-diversity I have ever found is on the DANDA website, linked below.  It says that neuro-typical (normal) people have abilities spread evenly across most skills that a person is likely to encounter, where as neuro-diverse people have areas of extreme talent, and areas of greater difficulty.  We are just as intelligent as anyone else, and in many cases more so. 

We thrive if allowed to work in our own way.  Many of us will struggle through the standardised academic education that virtually all children in the UK and US are forced through (and I’m sure it’s the same in most developed countries), then as soon as we are allowed to choose our subjects (often vocational) or get allowed to work in our own ways in normal classroom subjects, we may quickly become the top of the class. 

Neuro-diverse conditions include dyslexia, dyspraxia/DCD, autism spectrum disorders including Asperger’s syndrome, ADHD, sensory processing disorders, dyscalculia, and tourettes.   Some people are neuro-diverse without a specific diagnosis.  Each of these conditions is closely related to the other conditions on this list, and many people think that they are simply slightly different presentations of the same disorder.  Many other people think they are not disorders at all, simply differences from ‘normal’ and the only reason they are considered disorders/disabilities is that the modern western world on the whole is very unaccepting of differences. 

Each condition has its own description, and each has a list of signs and symptoms, but they all have overlap, and commonly have effects on concentration, memory, organisation, time direction, sequencing, sensory perception, social skills and estimation (of time, size, position, speed ect).   These are not always negative, for example, many autistic people can remember things in great detail, and many neuro-diverse people can concentrate very deeply on one thing for long periods of time, and many neuro-diverse people (most often dyslexics) have excellent skills with people and may be very persuasive or charismatic. 

There are more ways people adapt than there are specific traits of the various conditions, so there are far too many to list here, but some common ones are practicing the skills that do not come naturally, it takes more practice, but if a neuro-typical can do it, so can we, but we may need to practice longer if it is one of our less talented areas.  We may choose household items , paper, pens, and larger things like houses and cars that are more suitable for us as individuals, for example a lot of dyspraxics prefer larger or shaped pens, and stronger mugs and glasses for their home, many people with sensory processing or personal space issues may choose not to live in a large city, people may choose clothes that are more comfortable (or have lots of pockets), rather than look good , and often choose cars which are automatic rather than adding in the additional complexities of a manual.  We may choose to stay home and work on something of interest to us than go out drinking with friends, and we may go shopping at quieter times to avoid being in crowds.  This is not to say we cannot adapt to being in a crowd, but we prefer quieter places, and would chose them if available.  Many of us also prefer to find jobs and hobbies that fall within our areas of talent, so we can make use of the positive sides of our conditions. 

We are almost invariably very determined individuals, and are willing to work hard to attain a goal. 

There is nothing a neuro-typical can do that we cannot do, but we may not be interested in learning some skills, or we may be happy to stay as we are.  We will always be different, even if we learn to pass ourselves off as normal when with others; we will always have our own characters and talents. 

These conditions defiantly have advantages to.  We have the talents that vary between individuals, we are also extremely creative, we have learned to adapt, and we can provide a fresh viewpoint to an old or existing problem.   Most neuro diverse people are very compassionate, even if we don’t show it in the ‘normal’ way.   Many dyslexics do extremely well in architecture because they can think creatively, and can often visualise shapes in 3D, fit them together, and come up with amazing designs, the reduced reading ability is nothing compared to the advantages dyslexia has in architecture.  The compassion and understanding of what it is like to be different many neuro-diverse people have leads them into helping others, for example in care homes or hospitals, and many will work hard to become nurses, or therapists.

Those of us who choose to go into academic work often become highly specialised, as our interests are often narrow, but very deep.  We may take on more physical training and employment, for example plumbing, joinery, bricklaying, animal care or gardening.  I know many people in ‘white collar’ professions look down on these trades, but they are as essential as most of these white collar professions, and in some cases more so.  How many of these white collar office workers can maintain their own homes without calling someone in?  Very few I think.  And that says nothing about building the homes to start with.  Neuro-diverse people are often very talented in their area of work, no matter what that is, be it a physical or building trade, be it an academic subject, or be it in a care profession. 

What do we want from the ‘normal’ population?  That our differences be accepted, that we are allowed to adapt, and that we are treated with the same respect as everyone else. 

There are people out there who assume that different equals useless, but this is not so, and those who think like that are missing out on a lot of advantages. 

Some people have done very well for themselves with neuro-diversity. 

Duncan Bannatyne, the entrepreneur made famous by dragons den is dyslexic, and left school with no GCSEs, yet now has a successful business empire, and has written 4 books. 
David bailey, the famous photographer is dyspraxic. 

Satoshi Tajiri, the creator of Pokémon has Asperger’s syndrome, and managed to turn his interest in bugs and computers into a game that spread around the world. 

These people are proof that we can achieve as well as any other person.  We are variable, and unusual, but that is not wrong.  We are brilliant at many things, and these vary from person to person, but we can use these talents to great ends.  These conditions remain throughout our lives, but so do the benefits they bring.  All we ask from anyone, is the opportunity to be ourselves, and to make use of our talents, and not to be ridicules becase of our difficulties. 

We are different, not useless.

We are different, not stupid.

We are different, not rude.

We are different, let us be us. 

Hello

I have another blog, here, but that blog is meant to be about me personally.  I have found that I have written pieces about neuro-diversity, and have many more to write.  I think that these posts deserve to be separated from my personal posts, and are important enough to have their own blog.  So here I am, feel free to browse this blog, my other blog, or any blogs on my blog roll (will be sorted as soon as I have formatted this blog correctly).  Comments are always welcomed, however please be respectful of all other users. 

Many thanks, and welcome all to my blog